I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

Ludye Mae Duncan Shields Moore aka Magic in Human Form. February 27, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 12:15 am
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I can remember almost running to keep up with her long, quick stride as we swept down the busy sidewalk of Chicago. She was always impeccably presented with her raven black hair and distinctive red lipstick. Her neck was long and elegant, just like her gams. She was friendly and warm….a southern belle to the core. She lived on the 28th floor of a poshy apartment building in the city called Lake Point Towers with a wonderful view of the Lake. I loved spending the weekend with her there. We would regularly visit the animals in the zoo, especially in winter because nobody went in winter and the animals were surely cold and lonely.

There was a doorman, Mr. Gray. And a garage attendant, Mr. Peanut Butter sandwich. She would bring him sandwiches every time she got her car from him. Thus, his name. She drove a green towncar with seats that moved by pushing a button.

There was a huge koi pond that we would play by and a swimming pool. At night I loved to watch the lights off the cars as they came down the waterfront. One side of her apartment was huge windows above a radiator that she loaded up with baby cacti. In my room at her house was a fold out couch with a black and white houndstooth pattern. Black and White silhouette portraits of my sister and I hung on the wall.

She gave me my piano and a cat named Catten who only loved her and would scratch anyone else. She made wonderful Shingle Cookies…basically graham crackers coated with a soft version of peanut brittle. She always had a peice of Wrigley’s Spearmint gum to share….but only half a piece at a time.

When I was still in elementary school she moved back to her beloved south. Again, at the water’s edge in Myrtle Beach. She cut her hair short and let it go gray. She was still elegant in a casual, beachy way. She traded city sidewalks for sandy beaches yet her stride was still long, fast, and graceful.

She volunteered with Helping Hand and the American Heart Association. She was utterly devoted to her ailing husband. She was an equally devoted church goer and loved when we would stay for the summer and sing in her church’s choir.

I lost her 9 years ago. Alzheimers. I don’t know if she could ever keep in her memory that she had a great-granddaughter that was honored with her middle name. She would have loved her great-granddaughters so very much. Just liked she loved me.

I miss her.

-The Mom

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Water, Water Everywhere November 13, 2008

Filed under: ponderings,soul coaching,ZombieMom — meandmom @ 6:49 pm
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It has been raining all week here in the Pacific Northwest.  No surprise there, I guess.  But Soul Coaching Water Week has really swept in.  Today our goal is to “do nothing”.  I guess I’ve been practicing this for the past couple of days.  Something about all the rain took me from the great highs of last week and diluted them.  I am feeling water logged. 

Once again, I decided to move towards something and then felt the universe push back against me.  I came up with my personal mission statement.  When I finish writing it, I was excited to begin each day with purposeful energy.  Instead, every morning this past week I have awoken feeling like I hadn’t slept long enough or well enough.  I know that this is just my own inner resistance.  Do I really want this mission?  What happens if I don’t live up to it and nothing changes?  I also know that I do just need to see past those doubtful thoughts and keep my eye on the goal.  I saw through last week’s experiences that intention will bring result. 

So, I’m pushing through.  I’m not floating like I was during Air week.  I am swimming against the tide.  But I will see you on the other side of this big puddle! 

-The Mom

 

Turn Around Bright Eyes November 10, 2008

Filed under: family,helpful tidbits!,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 7:56 am
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What a wonderful weekend…quiet, relaxing, bonding…just perfect.  I listened to the waves of Puget Sound roll against the shore and closed my eyes and lifted my face to feel the misty raindrops falling.  I was surrounded by water!  It was refreshing and cleansing and grounding.

When I got back home in my mailbox was a late birthday card from my favorite aunt.  In it she wrote “women have a very specific kind of courage that enables them to fling themselves into the open sea”.  How amazing was that on our first day of Water week?!  Her sentiment mirrored what I have been finding in my own heart lately.  Courage and Bravery and Risk and Endless Possibility. 

Today in Soul Coaching we were asked to examine the turning points of our lives and what kinds of emotions we associate with those times.  Here are a few of mine:

  • My family’s move from Illinois to California when I was 10
  • Spending a summer as an exchange student in Ecuador
  • Putting myself through college
  • Getting divorced

Each of those times, and the other turning points that I haven’t mentioned, took courage and bravery and risk.  They also involved many different emotions.  I notice a pattern however of aloneness.  Is that a word?  Not loneliness…Alone-ness.  The two seem different to me.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  Was I alone because I didn’t want to let anyone in?  Do I just thrive off independence?  I notice that I’m not super connected to my community and my community often changes.  I tend to maintain a very small group of loved ones.  This is something I will have to continue to think about.

On a positive side, my mission statement is beginning to form:

My purpose is to strive to be the best that I can be in every moment (that doesn’t mean perfect, just the best I can be right then).  To live each day with intent and do everything with purpose.  To create an environment for my daughters and myself that is stable, positive, and centered.  To always seek that feminine courage that allows me to fling myself to the open sea.  To love with an open and accepting heart.

It’s a start anyway!

-The Mom

 

Mission Impossible November 9, 2008

Filed under: helpful tidbits!,ponderings — meandmom @ 6:50 am
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Oh no….the end of the link list…. I have nothing else to do but post now.  Today’s Soul Coaching activity is one I’d rather avoid….coming up with a mission statement.  Oh I’ve started this process before…with Stephen Covey’s book about Effective Families, the book The Purpose Filled Life, with my church family (we do this every 4 years).  I have NEVER been able to truly come up with a mission statement.  I’ve wanted to.  It just seems SO. BIG.  How does one put the purpose of their life in words?  Words significant enough to encapsulate what their life on this earth was to be? Are my goals worthy enough?  Big enough?  What if I fail?  What if I don’t achieve what I set out to do?  What is it that makes my time here worth it? 

So, I read every other link in the Soul Coaching group before I posted.  I was looking for some guidance, some wisdom, some answers.  One of the things I’m supposed to be doing today is listening  to or being aware of messages being given to us.  That’s exactly what I got!  I learned that I don’t need to know exactly who I am or where I’m going.  I can be as simple or defined as I’m currently inspired to be.

Thank you to those that show me the way.  Thank you to each and every one of you that support me and the Daughter and leave comments that validate and reassure us.  I still don’t know exactly how to define my personal mission.  I will be listening and looking for messages that will lead me in the right direction.  I will focus on defining my mission statement over the week.  I welcome the cleansing and refreshing that comes with water (our element for the week).  And, as Megg pointed out to me, I am so blessed to be spending the weekend ending air week and starting water week at my beloved BeachHouse where air and water prevail!

-The Mom