I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

It’s a Whirlwind….But Just In Time May 13, 2009

Hello to any of you that still pop by 🙂

Life has been hectic, as I’ve stated before.  Actually, let me restate that.  It’s not so much that life has been hectic, but more that I’ve been more purposeful in what I’m doing, more focused, more dedicated.  I’ve been doing this with every little thing….from how I dust a room to how I parent my children to how I accomplish my work.

I started this focused action because I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this past year.  You know what?  I still don’t have any great answers.  I don’t think I’ve been set on this planet to change the world.  But I do believe that I’ve been commanded to be the best possible steward to my own little universe.  So I’ve been trying to truly focus my efforts and energy into doing everything to the best standard as often as I can.  In the beginning, it has taken away a lot of my creative energy to meet my standard.  Also, I do find that whenever I start on a journey to create something positive, there is a little resistance from the “universe” at first.  It’s as if the forces-that-be want to make sure that I really want to achieve my goals.  I guess that is why when I have sat down to consider writing a blog post, there has been nothing… no free flowing thought.  I’m assuming that the longer I keep at this focused way of living, the easier it will become and then there will be more creative energy available.

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, One Louder.  Heather was discussing her own soul searching and brought up this magazine article
from O Magazine.  It’s author, Martha Beck, had this to say about a concept she calls Just In Time Thinking which focuses on the abundance that truly exists when we have just what we need, when we need it:

“I can’t quite explain this; it often seems nothing short of miraculous. Perhaps this is why the authors of the Bible included the story of the wandering Israelites who were given manna from heaven, but only permitted to gather enough to supply their needs until the next manna-festation. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, this tale was considered important enough to become holy writ. Why? …. The Israelite story-keepers wanted to remind readers that, miraculous as it seems, just-in-time confidence keeps supply lines clear and prosperity flowing.”

It is a great article (you should read it) that speaks to putting confidence in the abundance we already have in our lives.  I loved the use of the word “manna-festation”  I feel that over the last year, that is exactly what God wants me to understand.  When I trust, my life will manna-fest productivity and abundance.  Gosh, I could write an entire blog on the word manna-fest and how it’s anlaogy could pertain to our lives!  I will have what I need, when I need it, as God wants me to have it.  I’m really going to focus on this for the rest of this coming year.  These are scary times.  I have felt a lot of fear and anxiety on the blogs lately.  A lot of doom and gloom and “end days” line of thinking.  I don’t know that any of that is very helpful.  As our nation continues to struggle through this age, we need to focus on our manna-fest.  We need to trust in our God and in ourselves that we will have what we need when we need it.

In her article, Martha goes on to recommend the following exercise.  I am leaving early tomorrow in the morning for an extended weekend, but when I return, I shall start the following reflections on a regular basis.

1. List 10 times you thought that there wouldn’t be enough of something and you survived.

2. List 10 areas where you have too much, not too little.

3. List 20—or 50, or 1,000—wonderful things that entered your life just at the right time, with no effort on your part. Start with the little things (oxygen, sunlight, a song on the radio).

I can’t wait to feel abundance, productivity, peace, competence and security in deeper, more soulful ways!

Enjoy the day!


-The Mom

 

Knock, Knock….Who’s There? March 3, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — meandmom @ 8:06 pm
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Like many people, I have a Facebook account.  Do you have one?  I love meeting up with old friends.  It’s been so wonderful re-connecting and seeing the daily updates.  I love that we can be in such instant contact with thoughts, pictures, sending little gifts, etc, etc,….you know the drill.

Yesterday I posted a youtube video regarding Facebook.  If you didn’t watch it already, go ahead and take a look.  It’s funny.  I’ll wait……..

Ya back?  I don’t usually poke people on Facebook before I contact them like the guy in the video did.  I always see that option.  Do you use it?  But somebody has been poking me lately.  I haven’t been answering.

Do you ever do that?  Ignore certain friend requests?  Or invites?  Or pokes?  I do.  Sometimes it’s because I don’t really remember a person.  Or because it is someone I know through work and I don’t really want share my life with them on that level.  I mean, I brazenly posted a picture of myself on vacation….in my BIKINI!!!!  Not really needed for the viewing pleasure of every technical consultant that I might network with professionally.

Anyway, like I said, I have this friend that has been poking me.  Waiting for me to accept their friend invite.  This is someone that is actually a friend IRL.  This person has always been there for me.  Always been a source of strength when I’m sad or lonely.  Always been there to rejoice in a triumph or  joyful day.  Everything I am as a person I owe to this friend.  But I have been holding back for a couple of years.

My relationship with this friend has kind of been hard for me.  Sometimes I am totally into this friendship and devote a lot of time to it and other times I put it on the back burner.  With the difficulties of the past couple of years, I just wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the deal so I’ve been ignoring this friend.  But I feel them poking me and it’s as if the knock on the door is getting louder and louder.

I can’t ignore it anymore.  So, it’s time.  It’s time to rekindle this relationship.  It’s time to spend some effort and enjoy the comfort and compassion this friend always has for me.  It’s time to once again share my whole life with this friend and not just think about it when it’s convenient for me.  I know my friend wants to look at the bikini picture, yes even that one, and the pictures of my kids.  I know my friend is anxious to be a part of all the good things that are happening in my life as well as be there for all the hard things too.  So, I’m adding my friend to the top of my friends list.

Say hi to my friend.  His name is Jesus.

-The Mom

 

Ludye Mae Duncan Shields Moore aka Magic in Human Form. February 27, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 12:15 am
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I can remember almost running to keep up with her long, quick stride as we swept down the busy sidewalk of Chicago. She was always impeccably presented with her raven black hair and distinctive red lipstick. Her neck was long and elegant, just like her gams. She was friendly and warm….a southern belle to the core. She lived on the 28th floor of a poshy apartment building in the city called Lake Point Towers with a wonderful view of the Lake. I loved spending the weekend with her there. We would regularly visit the animals in the zoo, especially in winter because nobody went in winter and the animals were surely cold and lonely.

There was a doorman, Mr. Gray. And a garage attendant, Mr. Peanut Butter sandwich. She would bring him sandwiches every time she got her car from him. Thus, his name. She drove a green towncar with seats that moved by pushing a button.

There was a huge koi pond that we would play by and a swimming pool. At night I loved to watch the lights off the cars as they came down the waterfront. One side of her apartment was huge windows above a radiator that she loaded up with baby cacti. In my room at her house was a fold out couch with a black and white houndstooth pattern. Black and White silhouette portraits of my sister and I hung on the wall.

She gave me my piano and a cat named Catten who only loved her and would scratch anyone else. She made wonderful Shingle Cookies…basically graham crackers coated with a soft version of peanut brittle. She always had a peice of Wrigley’s Spearmint gum to share….but only half a piece at a time.

When I was still in elementary school she moved back to her beloved south. Again, at the water’s edge in Myrtle Beach. She cut her hair short and let it go gray. She was still elegant in a casual, beachy way. She traded city sidewalks for sandy beaches yet her stride was still long, fast, and graceful.

She volunteered with Helping Hand and the American Heart Association. She was utterly devoted to her ailing husband. She was an equally devoted church goer and loved when we would stay for the summer and sing in her church’s choir.

I lost her 9 years ago. Alzheimers. I don’t know if she could ever keep in her memory that she had a great-granddaughter that was honored with her middle name. She would have loved her great-granddaughters so very much. Just liked she loved me.

I miss her.

-The Mom

 

Oh The Tangled Web We Weave February 20, 2009

Filed under: ponderings — meandmom @ 5:29 pm
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One of my favorite sights in spring is a spider web covered in dew in the morning time.  It sparkles like a pretty diamond necklace.  When they look like that they belie the hard work of the spider to spin that piece of intricate lace.  The hard work that holds the spider’s home together.

Life is much like that spider’s web.  We try and keep it pretty like the dewdrops in the spring sun.  We try to hide that it is hard work to keep up that pretty front.

It is a fragile thing that spider’s web.  As life too is fragile.  We never know when someone is going to walk right through it and break it all apart.

-The Mom

 

He’s Just Not That Into You February 17, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 9:00 pm
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I loved having an extra day tagged onto the weekend for President’s Day…Thanks Abe and George!  The S.O. and I decided to go to the movies with the Drama Queen.  Guess what we saw?  I was totally expecting a fun chick flick.  Oh, and by the way, can I just say the chemistry between Jen and Ben….not so much.  What I did not expect was how emotional I would get during this movie.

I mean, you don’t go to a movie like that thinking you are going to be exposed to the feelings that you rather not think about.  The first thing that caught me off guard was how marriage was introduced between Jen and Ben.  I’m sitting in a similar place….long term relationship….not a ton of talk of the future.  It’s not that the deep commitment isn’t there, we just don’t talk about it.  Most of the time I’m ok with that…..sometimes though I really, really want that life long commitment that is announced to the world, not just understood by the two parties involved.  There are complications in my situation that heavily influence what happens next for us.  Anyway, I didn’t expect that part of the movie and it really struck a touchy chord for me.

Second was the guy that was cheating.  I don’t want to give anything away, but this part of the movie really bothered me.  My ex didn’t cheat on me with another woman but he did give his heart to something other than me.  I denied it and allowed excuses I knew better than to allow.  Watching a bit of that on screen….bigger than life….was a painful mirror to look into.

There were tons of funny parts to this show and I highly recommend it.  I just didn’t expect to loose myself in a sea of tears.  I definitely would not go see this on a date in a new relationship or in a troubled one or one where there were any questions about the future.  It was a little uncomfortable for me sitting next to S.O. as it was the subject of a recent conversation.

The hard part for me is this…..the thing I hate most about my divorce is not grieving the loss of love.  It is grieving the loss of family.  It is very hard the second time around to establish that kind of feeling.  At the end of the day, my kids have a dad that they see on a regular basis.  So, S.O. is very careful about his involvement with my girls.  It is hard for him as a man to know how to go about connecting with them in a way that feels comfortable for all of them.  Plus, he is very reserved with things like hugs and playful physicality.  We have taken their relationship very, very, very slowly.  I’m proud of us for that.  It’s just hard having the knowledge that it is always disjointed.  It is not ever quite the same feeling of parenting and family unit as existed in my marriage.  A good friend of mine that has been remarried for almost the entire life of one of her children, advised me that it will never be the same as the original family.  Ouch.

What I’m realizing is that I do really, really want to be married again.  I want that fortified commitment that comes with a ring and a ceremony.  I want to feel blessed by God and supported by family in my relationship.  I want that blessing and support to be formalized and public.  I’m worried that the complications that exist…which I can’t discuss here….will prevent marriage from happening.  Then I need to ask myself….should I expect him to marry me anyway?  Or, should I pay attention to the message of the movie?

It will be a telling year…….

-The Mom

 

Breaking the Ice…again January 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — meandmom @ 7:29 pm
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Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.
-Arabic Proverb

I can’t remember whose blog had the above quote on it, but I liked it enough to save it.  I haven’t been writing ‘cuz I just couldn’t find anything I wanted to share.  It has been a little rocky ’round these parts and I didn’t have anything to say befitting of a peice of marble.  I’m determined to come out of the fog though and find the sunshine….kinda hard with all the gray skies in the Pac Northwest right now….but the sunshine of life is starting to peek through once again. 

Here comes the sun…..Here comes the sun….Here comes the sun and I say It’s alright!

-The Mom

 

The Pull of the Tides November 26, 2008

The Soul Coaching group is affirming that we are in harmony with the natural rhythms of life.  I remember when I was in college, my mom was researching bio-rhythms.  She asked me if I ever noticed that at the end of every year I go through a “funk”.  Hmmm…..I hadn’t, but she was absolutely right.  The weird thing is that fall is my favorite season.  I love watching the trees turn colors and the crispness that comes in the air.  I love the need for a fire in the hearth and a warm cup of soup.  I love that fall brings football season (even though this season has been a complete bust if you are a fan of any team that plays in the state of Washington!). 

My significant other pointed out this morning that I am being very resistant to spending time with family over the holiday.  As I considered today’s reading, I had to admit that he was right.  I am feeling that fall funk and wanting to control things by being mopey.  It’s not a very constructive way of dealing with my funk but it is my default setting.  So, I will shake it off and realize that sometimes being in tune with the tides of nature doesn’t always mean submitting to them but respecting, accepting and then choosing action.

I guess that means I’ll be going to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Seattle bright and early on Friday morning with the rest of my family …..yuckcan’t wait!

-The Mom