I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

It’s a Whirlwind….But Just In Time May 13, 2009

Hello to any of you that still pop by 🙂

Life has been hectic, as I’ve stated before.  Actually, let me restate that.  It’s not so much that life has been hectic, but more that I’ve been more purposeful in what I’m doing, more focused, more dedicated.  I’ve been doing this with every little thing….from how I dust a room to how I parent my children to how I accomplish my work.

I started this focused action because I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this past year.  You know what?  I still don’t have any great answers.  I don’t think I’ve been set on this planet to change the world.  But I do believe that I’ve been commanded to be the best possible steward to my own little universe.  So I’ve been trying to truly focus my efforts and energy into doing everything to the best standard as often as I can.  In the beginning, it has taken away a lot of my creative energy to meet my standard.  Also, I do find that whenever I start on a journey to create something positive, there is a little resistance from the “universe” at first.  It’s as if the forces-that-be want to make sure that I really want to achieve my goals.  I guess that is why when I have sat down to consider writing a blog post, there has been nothing… no free flowing thought.  I’m assuming that the longer I keep at this focused way of living, the easier it will become and then there will be more creative energy available.

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, One Louder.  Heather was discussing her own soul searching and brought up this magazine article
from O Magazine.  It’s author, Martha Beck, had this to say about a concept she calls Just In Time Thinking which focuses on the abundance that truly exists when we have just what we need, when we need it:

“I can’t quite explain this; it often seems nothing short of miraculous. Perhaps this is why the authors of the Bible included the story of the wandering Israelites who were given manna from heaven, but only permitted to gather enough to supply their needs until the next manna-festation. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, this tale was considered important enough to become holy writ. Why? …. The Israelite story-keepers wanted to remind readers that, miraculous as it seems, just-in-time confidence keeps supply lines clear and prosperity flowing.”

It is a great article (you should read it) that speaks to putting confidence in the abundance we already have in our lives.  I loved the use of the word “manna-festation”  I feel that over the last year, that is exactly what God wants me to understand.  When I trust, my life will manna-fest productivity and abundance.  Gosh, I could write an entire blog on the word manna-fest and how it’s anlaogy could pertain to our lives!  I will have what I need, when I need it, as God wants me to have it.  I’m really going to focus on this for the rest of this coming year.  These are scary times.  I have felt a lot of fear and anxiety on the blogs lately.  A lot of doom and gloom and “end days” line of thinking.  I don’t know that any of that is very helpful.  As our nation continues to struggle through this age, we need to focus on our manna-fest.  We need to trust in our God and in ourselves that we will have what we need when we need it.

In her article, Martha goes on to recommend the following exercise.  I am leaving early tomorrow in the morning for an extended weekend, but when I return, I shall start the following reflections on a regular basis.

1. List 10 times you thought that there wouldn’t be enough of something and you survived.

2. List 10 areas where you have too much, not too little.

3. List 20—or 50, or 1,000—wonderful things that entered your life just at the right time, with no effort on your part. Start with the little things (oxygen, sunlight, a song on the radio).

I can’t wait to feel abundance, productivity, peace, competence and security in deeper, more soulful ways!

Enjoy the day!


-The Mom

Advertisements
 

Oh The Tangled Web We Weave February 20, 2009

Filed under: ponderings — meandmom @ 5:29 pm
Tags: ,

One of my favorite sights in spring is a spider web covered in dew in the morning time.  It sparkles like a pretty diamond necklace.  When they look like that they belie the hard work of the spider to spin that piece of intricate lace.  The hard work that holds the spider’s home together.

Life is much like that spider’s web.  We try and keep it pretty like the dewdrops in the spring sun.  We try to hide that it is hard work to keep up that pretty front.

It is a fragile thing that spider’s web.  As life too is fragile.  We never know when someone is going to walk right through it and break it all apart.

-The Mom

 

A New Day February 18, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings — meandmom @ 6:56 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Well now, after the heaviness of my last post, I need to take in a deep breath and just have a big ole belly laugh!   BWAAHHHBWAAAHH!

Much better!  I told you….there are some heavy thoughts running circles in my little pea brain (not much room in there I guess).  When I started this blog it was for my daughter and I to communicate some of those things that divorced families go through.  We haven’t done a TON of that because, although I think it is good for us to do, The Daughter and I are still careful about what we share.  FYI….anything I share here is something that she and I have already discussed in some fashion.

There are tons of families out there that face the hardships of making a new identity for themselves after a divorce.  I would like this to be a place where kids or moms or dads could know that they are not suffering through their process by themselves. And that everyone in the family has their own perspective and their own hurts, worries, concerns.

People sometimes raise their eyebrows at me over the fact that I include The Daughter in this discussion.  Here’s the thing, when I was 14 my parents divorced.  My mom and dad were very tight lipped about everything, just like they were told to be.  I understand the need for a lot of that, I do.  However, It was also very confusing to us kids as to why there was so much tension and frustration and why our parents couldn’t even tolerate being in the same room anymore and on and on and on.

I’ve chosen a more open, but careful, dialogue with The Daughter.  Part of that is based on my experience, part of that is based on her overly mature personality.  It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is working for us.  It’s important for kids to understand that their parents are people too.  And you know what?  Divorce hurts.  It hurts everyone.  Even Mommy.  Even Daddy.  And you know what?  It’s okay to hurt.  It’s not fun, but it’s part of life and we need to learn how to get through it.  It would have been helpful to me to understand that when I was going through it as a kid.

That being said…part of being ok is not dwelling on the tough stuff all the time.  So sometimes I want this to be a space just to talk about life, show pictures and silly videos,  and meet and communicate with new friends.

In that vain…..

The other day I finished my taxes and got them filed….yeah for me and for tax returns!  My own little economic stimulus package!  I also filed away all of the end of the year paperwork.  There is something very satisfying for me in that.  I love tidy little piles and things buttoned up tight and clean.  I feel that the hardships of 2008 are behind me and the goodness of 2009 is only waiting to happen.

Enjoy the DAY!

-The Mom

 

He’s Just Not That Into You February 17, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 9:00 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I loved having an extra day tagged onto the weekend for President’s Day…Thanks Abe and George!  The S.O. and I decided to go to the movies with the Drama Queen.  Guess what we saw?  I was totally expecting a fun chick flick.  Oh, and by the way, can I just say the chemistry between Jen and Ben….not so much.  What I did not expect was how emotional I would get during this movie.

I mean, you don’t go to a movie like that thinking you are going to be exposed to the feelings that you rather not think about.  The first thing that caught me off guard was how marriage was introduced between Jen and Ben.  I’m sitting in a similar place….long term relationship….not a ton of talk of the future.  It’s not that the deep commitment isn’t there, we just don’t talk about it.  Most of the time I’m ok with that…..sometimes though I really, really want that life long commitment that is announced to the world, not just understood by the two parties involved.  There are complications in my situation that heavily influence what happens next for us.  Anyway, I didn’t expect that part of the movie and it really struck a touchy chord for me.

Second was the guy that was cheating.  I don’t want to give anything away, but this part of the movie really bothered me.  My ex didn’t cheat on me with another woman but he did give his heart to something other than me.  I denied it and allowed excuses I knew better than to allow.  Watching a bit of that on screen….bigger than life….was a painful mirror to look into.

There were tons of funny parts to this show and I highly recommend it.  I just didn’t expect to loose myself in a sea of tears.  I definitely would not go see this on a date in a new relationship or in a troubled one or one where there were any questions about the future.  It was a little uncomfortable for me sitting next to S.O. as it was the subject of a recent conversation.

The hard part for me is this…..the thing I hate most about my divorce is not grieving the loss of love.  It is grieving the loss of family.  It is very hard the second time around to establish that kind of feeling.  At the end of the day, my kids have a dad that they see on a regular basis.  So, S.O. is very careful about his involvement with my girls.  It is hard for him as a man to know how to go about connecting with them in a way that feels comfortable for all of them.  Plus, he is very reserved with things like hugs and playful physicality.  We have taken their relationship very, very, very slowly.  I’m proud of us for that.  It’s just hard having the knowledge that it is always disjointed.  It is not ever quite the same feeling of parenting and family unit as existed in my marriage.  A good friend of mine that has been remarried for almost the entire life of one of her children, advised me that it will never be the same as the original family.  Ouch.

What I’m realizing is that I do really, really want to be married again.  I want that fortified commitment that comes with a ring and a ceremony.  I want to feel blessed by God and supported by family in my relationship.  I want that blessing and support to be formalized and public.  I’m worried that the complications that exist…which I can’t discuss here….will prevent marriage from happening.  Then I need to ask myself….should I expect him to marry me anyway?  Or, should I pay attention to the message of the movie?

It will be a telling year…….

-The Mom

 

The Pull of the Tides November 26, 2008

The Soul Coaching group is affirming that we are in harmony with the natural rhythms of life.  I remember when I was in college, my mom was researching bio-rhythms.  She asked me if I ever noticed that at the end of every year I go through a “funk”.  Hmmm…..I hadn’t, but she was absolutely right.  The weird thing is that fall is my favorite season.  I love watching the trees turn colors and the crispness that comes in the air.  I love the need for a fire in the hearth and a warm cup of soup.  I love that fall brings football season (even though this season has been a complete bust if you are a fan of any team that plays in the state of Washington!). 

My significant other pointed out this morning that I am being very resistant to spending time with family over the holiday.  As I considered today’s reading, I had to admit that he was right.  I am feeling that fall funk and wanting to control things by being mopey.  It’s not a very constructive way of dealing with my funk but it is my default setting.  So, I will shake it off and realize that sometimes being in tune with the tides of nature doesn’t always mean submitting to them but respecting, accepting and then choosing action.

I guess that means I’ll be going to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Seattle bright and early on Friday morning with the rest of my family …..yuckcan’t wait!

-The Mom

 

Sweet Smell of Victory June 2, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — meandmom @ 7:00 pm
Tags: ,

Have you ever had that feeling when you’ve been trying to make a point for years but have been totally blown off?  No matter that you have validated your opinion with other people who you consider to be wise……

Have you had to fight so hard for what you know to be right that you begin to think that maybe the fight isn’t worth it, maybe it isn’t so improtant to be right?  Have you ever just wanted to throw in the towel because it would be so much easier? 

So very frustrating, right?  It’s hard to feel strong when you are in that place.  It is hard to feel good about yourself when you are feeling so weak.

I recently got the best validation from The Lady in the Black Robe who said (after a year of waiting for her to make a statement) that I was right.  I have been right all along.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to laugh.  I wanted to say “SEE?????” but I didn’t.  I stood quietly and just allowed that sweet smell of victory to penetrate my nostrils.  I didn’t gloat.  I didn’t high-five anyone.  No touchdown dances in the end zone.  Just the beautiful aroma of silent satisfaction that I am not crazy, ingrateful, unrealistic, or cold-hearted. 

My struggles as a single mom won’t change due to this declaration.  My inner soul though…… well, she is just a little bit stronger, a little less defeated.  It is good to know that justice can prevail…..even if it takes 14 months.

Always stand up for yourself, My Daughter.  Advocate for yourself when you are right (recognize, however, when you’re wrong).  Don’t ever let anyone manage to convince you that what is right, is wrong.  When you are fighting for things that are true, it is worth the struggle.  And remember throughout life, I will always be your cheerleader.  When you have your moments of victory, over whatever you come against, I will take in a deep breath. Right alongside you.

The Mom