I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

It’s a Whirlwind….But Just In Time May 13, 2009

Hello to any of you that still pop by 🙂

Life has been hectic, as I’ve stated before.  Actually, let me restate that.  It’s not so much that life has been hectic, but more that I’ve been more purposeful in what I’m doing, more focused, more dedicated.  I’ve been doing this with every little thing….from how I dust a room to how I parent my children to how I accomplish my work.

I started this focused action because I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this past year.  You know what?  I still don’t have any great answers.  I don’t think I’ve been set on this planet to change the world.  But I do believe that I’ve been commanded to be the best possible steward to my own little universe.  So I’ve been trying to truly focus my efforts and energy into doing everything to the best standard as often as I can.  In the beginning, it has taken away a lot of my creative energy to meet my standard.  Also, I do find that whenever I start on a journey to create something positive, there is a little resistance from the “universe” at first.  It’s as if the forces-that-be want to make sure that I really want to achieve my goals.  I guess that is why when I have sat down to consider writing a blog post, there has been nothing… no free flowing thought.  I’m assuming that the longer I keep at this focused way of living, the easier it will become and then there will be more creative energy available.

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, One Louder.  Heather was discussing her own soul searching and brought up this magazine article
from O Magazine.  It’s author, Martha Beck, had this to say about a concept she calls Just In Time Thinking which focuses on the abundance that truly exists when we have just what we need, when we need it:

“I can’t quite explain this; it often seems nothing short of miraculous. Perhaps this is why the authors of the Bible included the story of the wandering Israelites who were given manna from heaven, but only permitted to gather enough to supply their needs until the next manna-festation. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, this tale was considered important enough to become holy writ. Why? …. The Israelite story-keepers wanted to remind readers that, miraculous as it seems, just-in-time confidence keeps supply lines clear and prosperity flowing.”

It is a great article (you should read it) that speaks to putting confidence in the abundance we already have in our lives.  I loved the use of the word “manna-festation”  I feel that over the last year, that is exactly what God wants me to understand.  When I trust, my life will manna-fest productivity and abundance.  Gosh, I could write an entire blog on the word manna-fest and how it’s anlaogy could pertain to our lives!  I will have what I need, when I need it, as God wants me to have it.  I’m really going to focus on this for the rest of this coming year.  These are scary times.  I have felt a lot of fear and anxiety on the blogs lately.  A lot of doom and gloom and “end days” line of thinking.  I don’t know that any of that is very helpful.  As our nation continues to struggle through this age, we need to focus on our manna-fest.  We need to trust in our God and in ourselves that we will have what we need when we need it.

In her article, Martha goes on to recommend the following exercise.  I am leaving early tomorrow in the morning for an extended weekend, but when I return, I shall start the following reflections on a regular basis.

1. List 10 times you thought that there wouldn’t be enough of something and you survived.

2. List 10 areas where you have too much, not too little.

3. List 20—or 50, or 1,000—wonderful things that entered your life just at the right time, with no effort on your part. Start with the little things (oxygen, sunlight, a song on the radio).

I can’t wait to feel abundance, productivity, peace, competence and security in deeper, more soulful ways!

Enjoy the day!


-The Mom

 

Still here and other stuff May 5, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:54 pm
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I know, I know and I’m sorry….I’ve been neglectful as of late.

Sometimes life just needs to take center stage and blogging needs to wait patiently off to the side.

There has been a lot going on at work…good news in the IT Staffing world!  I have a great sense of pride that the work that I do, right now in this day and age, not only helps my clients and the people I find for them, but it also helps my country.  I love getting people off the unemployment lines and back to work!

The Littlest scored her first soccer goal on Saturday….big fun for her!

Is anybody else over the Swine flue hysteria?  A week from Thursday I am flying down to Cabo San Lucas sans ninos! (without kids – in two different languages no less).  Can I just tell you that right now there are 0 reported cases of Swine Flu on the whole Baja Peninsula.  None. Zip. NADA. Therefore, I should be a lot more scared walking around the state of Washington then I should chillin on the beach in Cabo.  Not to mention that I think the constant intake of smallish quantities of tequila will be a very effective method for killing off any possible bugs.  I’m over the hysteria of the media.  It just kills me.  But hey, I guess it is nice to have everybody stressed about something other than the economy.  So there is that, I suppose.

Here is my biggest news….ready….drum roll…. The week before last I had total vindication in family court!  Can I just tell you that it has taken 2 years and I don’t even want to think about how many dollars worth of legal fees to finally have the court tell the X that dads have to pay child support and all the shenanigans he has pulled over the last 2 years in efforts to avoid that obligation aren’t fooling AN.Y.ONE!

My favorite part of the commissioner’s judgment was when she said to him “your ex wife has built a career for herself, with no previous work experience, with no advanced degree (I have a BA but he has a graduate degree), all the while being the primary parent for the children and without the parental support that you, sir, clearly have and yet you are here to tell me that you want me to assign the wage the court uses for the average 40 year old man in the state of Washington with undocumented income?”  (it is a very low number).  Oh it was wonderful.  Even if I never get paid.  The X and his parents had to listen to the commissioner validate little ole me and rake his sorry behind all over the courtroom.  No, I’m not bitter, just validated.  And oh, it feels so good!

Glad to finally see daylight hours extending past 5:00 in these parts.  Welcome Spring!

All in all, life is still good.  And Me and Mine are still OK.

-The Mom



 

From There to Here March 18, 2009

Filed under: love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:05 pm
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Four years ago today I met a man that would change my life.

It was the first date I had been on in 18 years. That makes me sound old….I’m not really that old.

I was scared. I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect.

He was sweet. And quiet. And interesting. He made me laugh.

There was an instant connection. An instant feeling of security. An instant comfort.

I didn’t go looking for my next “forever” man that night. But I found him anyway. I would never have expected it….honestly, I didn’t even want that.

What do you do when you find the love you’re meant to have even when you aren’t ready for it?

The last 4 years have been full of adventures. The good kind and the bad. We still love each other. Even when he makes me angry, I still want to be with him. Even though I drive him crazy, he can’t bring himself to go.

Now we are trying to figure out what happens next and how to go about the doing of the next. Blending families is a tricky thing and calls for slow, steady movements.

I’m still scared. I’m still nervous. I’m still in love.

Funny how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

-The Mom

 

I’m Not Ready Yet! March 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings,ZombieMom — meandmom @ 5:32 pm
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The Daughter is 12.  She has been 12 for 1 whole month.  That’s it.  One. Month.  And already everything is different.  Ever.y.thing!

Apparently, I was the only mom in the entire school district who didn’t let their 6th grader wear makeup.  And I was.  All of my friends have buckled to this campaign of breaking down the last bit of tween innocence.  I was holding down the no makeup zone all by myself.  So, I did what every proud role model does.  I caved.  I gave up.  I gave in.  I bought The Daughter makeup for her 12th birthday.  She doesn’t need it.  She’s the kind of gorgeous that you can’t even hate.  She looks like she came straight from Cleopatra via Kim Kardashian.  But sweeter.  And more innocent.  It makes me a little sad everytime she wears it.  Which, of course, is everyday.  But it makes her feel good.  She belongs again.

This has been the year of belonging.  Requirements:  Uggs, a Juicy Couture hoody, a cell phone, make up, 7 jeans.  Thank God for grandparents and Nordstrom Rack!  The Daughter now has one of each.  Not so much that she’s spoiled….oh no, she is a long way off from being spoiled.  Just enough so that she feels like she belongs.

I hate this part of growing up.  This belonging part.  But I remember wanting the same thing.  I remember that my mom, the ultimate rebel, didn’t want to make it a priority and it hurt my feelings.  So we save our money.  We go in halvsies.  We put things on our Christmas and Birthday lists.  We belong.

Only now there is a new requirment.  Facebook.  Once again, all my friends are starting to surrender.  One by one.  I worry about the ability for kids to hurt each other on FB.  I worry about how much faster and easier bad rumors spread.  I worry about how fragile reputations can easily be tarnished.  I worry about the in group/out group mentality of teens that was hard enough to deal with before the likes of texting and Facebook accounts.

So, what’s a mom to do?  This mom tossed and turned all last night.  Until finally I got out of my bed and went to hers.  She slept with me every single night for the first 3 years of her life.  It was the only way she would sleep.  I haven’t slept in the same bed as her since.    I curled up next to her and wept.  I’m not ready.  I’m not ready for her to be her own woman.  I’m not ready for her to encounter heart break and peer pressure.  I’m not ready to let her fight the battles that only she can fight.  Here’s my big problem though…..She is.  She is VERY ready.

So.  Again.  I ask.   What is a mom to do?  Anybody have any answers?  When did you or will you let your kids get a FB account?  How do you discern, as a parent, where the line is drawn between OK kind of belonging (clothes, curfew) and NOT OK kind of belonging (drinking, sex)?

Help a mom out……Hey! Is that a wrinkle hiding there behind the gray hair??

-The Mom

 

Knock, Knock….Who’s There? March 3, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — meandmom @ 8:06 pm
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Like many people, I have a Facebook account.  Do you have one?  I love meeting up with old friends.  It’s been so wonderful re-connecting and seeing the daily updates.  I love that we can be in such instant contact with thoughts, pictures, sending little gifts, etc, etc,….you know the drill.

Yesterday I posted a youtube video regarding Facebook.  If you didn’t watch it already, go ahead and take a look.  It’s funny.  I’ll wait……..

Ya back?  I don’t usually poke people on Facebook before I contact them like the guy in the video did.  I always see that option.  Do you use it?  But somebody has been poking me lately.  I haven’t been answering.

Do you ever do that?  Ignore certain friend requests?  Or invites?  Or pokes?  I do.  Sometimes it’s because I don’t really remember a person.  Or because it is someone I know through work and I don’t really want share my life with them on that level.  I mean, I brazenly posted a picture of myself on vacation….in my BIKINI!!!!  Not really needed for the viewing pleasure of every technical consultant that I might network with professionally.

Anyway, like I said, I have this friend that has been poking me.  Waiting for me to accept their friend invite.  This is someone that is actually a friend IRL.  This person has always been there for me.  Always been a source of strength when I’m sad or lonely.  Always been there to rejoice in a triumph or  joyful day.  Everything I am as a person I owe to this friend.  But I have been holding back for a couple of years.

My relationship with this friend has kind of been hard for me.  Sometimes I am totally into this friendship and devote a lot of time to it and other times I put it on the back burner.  With the difficulties of the past couple of years, I just wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the deal so I’ve been ignoring this friend.  But I feel them poking me and it’s as if the knock on the door is getting louder and louder.

I can’t ignore it anymore.  So, it’s time.  It’s time to rekindle this relationship.  It’s time to spend some effort and enjoy the comfort and compassion this friend always has for me.  It’s time to once again share my whole life with this friend and not just think about it when it’s convenient for me.  I know my friend wants to look at the bikini picture, yes even that one, and the pictures of my kids.  I know my friend is anxious to be a part of all the good things that are happening in my life as well as be there for all the hard things too.  So, I’m adding my friend to the top of my friends list.

Say hi to my friend.  His name is Jesus.

-The Mom

 

A New Day February 18, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings — meandmom @ 6:56 pm
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Well now, after the heaviness of my last post, I need to take in a deep breath and just have a big ole belly laugh!   BWAAHHHBWAAAHH!

Much better!  I told you….there are some heavy thoughts running circles in my little pea brain (not much room in there I guess).  When I started this blog it was for my daughter and I to communicate some of those things that divorced families go through.  We haven’t done a TON of that because, although I think it is good for us to do, The Daughter and I are still careful about what we share.  FYI….anything I share here is something that she and I have already discussed in some fashion.

There are tons of families out there that face the hardships of making a new identity for themselves after a divorce.  I would like this to be a place where kids or moms or dads could know that they are not suffering through their process by themselves. And that everyone in the family has their own perspective and their own hurts, worries, concerns.

People sometimes raise their eyebrows at me over the fact that I include The Daughter in this discussion.  Here’s the thing, when I was 14 my parents divorced.  My mom and dad were very tight lipped about everything, just like they were told to be.  I understand the need for a lot of that, I do.  However, It was also very confusing to us kids as to why there was so much tension and frustration and why our parents couldn’t even tolerate being in the same room anymore and on and on and on.

I’ve chosen a more open, but careful, dialogue with The Daughter.  Part of that is based on my experience, part of that is based on her overly mature personality.  It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is working for us.  It’s important for kids to understand that their parents are people too.  And you know what?  Divorce hurts.  It hurts everyone.  Even Mommy.  Even Daddy.  And you know what?  It’s okay to hurt.  It’s not fun, but it’s part of life and we need to learn how to get through it.  It would have been helpful to me to understand that when I was going through it as a kid.

That being said…part of being ok is not dwelling on the tough stuff all the time.  So sometimes I want this to be a space just to talk about life, show pictures and silly videos,  and meet and communicate with new friends.

In that vain…..

The other day I finished my taxes and got them filed….yeah for me and for tax returns!  My own little economic stimulus package!  I also filed away all of the end of the year paperwork.  There is something very satisfying for me in that.  I love tidy little piles and things buttoned up tight and clean.  I feel that the hardships of 2008 are behind me and the goodness of 2009 is only waiting to happen.

Enjoy the DAY!

-The Mom

 

He’s Just Not That Into You February 17, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 9:00 pm
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I loved having an extra day tagged onto the weekend for President’s Day…Thanks Abe and George!  The S.O. and I decided to go to the movies with the Drama Queen.  Guess what we saw?  I was totally expecting a fun chick flick.  Oh, and by the way, can I just say the chemistry between Jen and Ben….not so much.  What I did not expect was how emotional I would get during this movie.

I mean, you don’t go to a movie like that thinking you are going to be exposed to the feelings that you rather not think about.  The first thing that caught me off guard was how marriage was introduced between Jen and Ben.  I’m sitting in a similar place….long term relationship….not a ton of talk of the future.  It’s not that the deep commitment isn’t there, we just don’t talk about it.  Most of the time I’m ok with that…..sometimes though I really, really want that life long commitment that is announced to the world, not just understood by the two parties involved.  There are complications in my situation that heavily influence what happens next for us.  Anyway, I didn’t expect that part of the movie and it really struck a touchy chord for me.

Second was the guy that was cheating.  I don’t want to give anything away, but this part of the movie really bothered me.  My ex didn’t cheat on me with another woman but he did give his heart to something other than me.  I denied it and allowed excuses I knew better than to allow.  Watching a bit of that on screen….bigger than life….was a painful mirror to look into.

There were tons of funny parts to this show and I highly recommend it.  I just didn’t expect to loose myself in a sea of tears.  I definitely would not go see this on a date in a new relationship or in a troubled one or one where there were any questions about the future.  It was a little uncomfortable for me sitting next to S.O. as it was the subject of a recent conversation.

The hard part for me is this…..the thing I hate most about my divorce is not grieving the loss of love.  It is grieving the loss of family.  It is very hard the second time around to establish that kind of feeling.  At the end of the day, my kids have a dad that they see on a regular basis.  So, S.O. is very careful about his involvement with my girls.  It is hard for him as a man to know how to go about connecting with them in a way that feels comfortable for all of them.  Plus, he is very reserved with things like hugs and playful physicality.  We have taken their relationship very, very, very slowly.  I’m proud of us for that.  It’s just hard having the knowledge that it is always disjointed.  It is not ever quite the same feeling of parenting and family unit as existed in my marriage.  A good friend of mine that has been remarried for almost the entire life of one of her children, advised me that it will never be the same as the original family.  Ouch.

What I’m realizing is that I do really, really want to be married again.  I want that fortified commitment that comes with a ring and a ceremony.  I want to feel blessed by God and supported by family in my relationship.  I want that blessing and support to be formalized and public.  I’m worried that the complications that exist…which I can’t discuss here….will prevent marriage from happening.  Then I need to ask myself….should I expect him to marry me anyway?  Or, should I pay attention to the message of the movie?

It will be a telling year…….

-The Mom