I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

Make Me Laugh Monday – Mammograms March 16, 2009

Not that Mammograms are particularly funny in and of themselves….BUT….

My mom and I were discussing mine while she visited from Cali this past weekend.  We were gathered around the kitchen island and the girls and the SO were hangin’ with us.   This is a snippet of the conversation:

Littlest: Mama, why do they call it a Mammogram?

S.O.: (completely serious) Because women are called Ma’am.

WHAT? Oh yes he did!

Now….pop on over to Jenny on the Spot for more Monday laughter!

-The Mom

 

I’m Not Ready Yet! March 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings,ZombieMom — meandmom @ 5:32 pm
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The Daughter is 12.  She has been 12 for 1 whole month.  That’s it.  One. Month.  And already everything is different.  Ever.y.thing!

Apparently, I was the only mom in the entire school district who didn’t let their 6th grader wear makeup.  And I was.  All of my friends have buckled to this campaign of breaking down the last bit of tween innocence.  I was holding down the no makeup zone all by myself.  So, I did what every proud role model does.  I caved.  I gave up.  I gave in.  I bought The Daughter makeup for her 12th birthday.  She doesn’t need it.  She’s the kind of gorgeous that you can’t even hate.  She looks like she came straight from Cleopatra via Kim Kardashian.  But sweeter.  And more innocent.  It makes me a little sad everytime she wears it.  Which, of course, is everyday.  But it makes her feel good.  She belongs again.

This has been the year of belonging.  Requirements:  Uggs, a Juicy Couture hoody, a cell phone, make up, 7 jeans.  Thank God for grandparents and Nordstrom Rack!  The Daughter now has one of each.  Not so much that she’s spoiled….oh no, she is a long way off from being spoiled.  Just enough so that she feels like she belongs.

I hate this part of growing up.  This belonging part.  But I remember wanting the same thing.  I remember that my mom, the ultimate rebel, didn’t want to make it a priority and it hurt my feelings.  So we save our money.  We go in halvsies.  We put things on our Christmas and Birthday lists.  We belong.

Only now there is a new requirment.  Facebook.  Once again, all my friends are starting to surrender.  One by one.  I worry about the ability for kids to hurt each other on FB.  I worry about how much faster and easier bad rumors spread.  I worry about how fragile reputations can easily be tarnished.  I worry about the in group/out group mentality of teens that was hard enough to deal with before the likes of texting and Facebook accounts.

So, what’s a mom to do?  This mom tossed and turned all last night.  Until finally I got out of my bed and went to hers.  She slept with me every single night for the first 3 years of her life.  It was the only way she would sleep.  I haven’t slept in the same bed as her since.    I curled up next to her and wept.  I’m not ready.  I’m not ready for her to be her own woman.  I’m not ready for her to encounter heart break and peer pressure.  I’m not ready to let her fight the battles that only she can fight.  Here’s my big problem though…..She is.  She is VERY ready.

So.  Again.  I ask.   What is a mom to do?  Anybody have any answers?  When did you or will you let your kids get a FB account?  How do you discern, as a parent, where the line is drawn between OK kind of belonging (clothes, curfew) and NOT OK kind of belonging (drinking, sex)?

Help a mom out……Hey! Is that a wrinkle hiding there behind the gray hair??

-The Mom

 

A New Day February 18, 2009

Filed under: family,ponderings — meandmom @ 6:56 pm
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Well now, after the heaviness of my last post, I need to take in a deep breath and just have a big ole belly laugh!   BWAAHHHBWAAAHH!

Much better!  I told you….there are some heavy thoughts running circles in my little pea brain (not much room in there I guess).  When I started this blog it was for my daughter and I to communicate some of those things that divorced families go through.  We haven’t done a TON of that because, although I think it is good for us to do, The Daughter and I are still careful about what we share.  FYI….anything I share here is something that she and I have already discussed in some fashion.

There are tons of families out there that face the hardships of making a new identity for themselves after a divorce.  I would like this to be a place where kids or moms or dads could know that they are not suffering through their process by themselves. And that everyone in the family has their own perspective and their own hurts, worries, concerns.

People sometimes raise their eyebrows at me over the fact that I include The Daughter in this discussion.  Here’s the thing, when I was 14 my parents divorced.  My mom and dad were very tight lipped about everything, just like they were told to be.  I understand the need for a lot of that, I do.  However, It was also very confusing to us kids as to why there was so much tension and frustration and why our parents couldn’t even tolerate being in the same room anymore and on and on and on.

I’ve chosen a more open, but careful, dialogue with The Daughter.  Part of that is based on my experience, part of that is based on her overly mature personality.  It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is working for us.  It’s important for kids to understand that their parents are people too.  And you know what?  Divorce hurts.  It hurts everyone.  Even Mommy.  Even Daddy.  And you know what?  It’s okay to hurt.  It’s not fun, but it’s part of life and we need to learn how to get through it.  It would have been helpful to me to understand that when I was going through it as a kid.

That being said…part of being ok is not dwelling on the tough stuff all the time.  So sometimes I want this to be a space just to talk about life, show pictures and silly videos,  and meet and communicate with new friends.

In that vain…..

The other day I finished my taxes and got them filed….yeah for me and for tax returns!  My own little economic stimulus package!  I also filed away all of the end of the year paperwork.  There is something very satisfying for me in that.  I love tidy little piles and things buttoned up tight and clean.  I feel that the hardships of 2008 are behind me and the goodness of 2009 is only waiting to happen.

Enjoy the DAY!

-The Mom

 

Today, Dedicated to the one I Love….. February 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:50 pm
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I remember that night 12 years ago…….

I didn’t think my stomach pains were really contractions…of course I was in denial about much of my pregnancy.

I remember calling Grandma who lived in Germany at the time.  They called her out of class to come to the phone….you know that she had told the office staff that her first grandchild was due any day, so they were waiting.  There were no cell phones then.

I remember the sound of her voice when I told her I was going to head the hospital.  She had kept her bag packed in her car, ready and waiting for my call.

I remember it was cold and rainy at 11:00 at night on February 11th.

I remember they didn’t want to let me stay at the hospital because they felt I wasn’t close enough to delivery.  By this time, the contractions were regular and strong.  No denial anymore!

I remember saying to your dad “I don’t care if we just wait in the lobby, I’m not going home”.  I knew we were closer to delivery and that I would just turn around and come right back if we even got home.  I was right.

I remember that I would fall into sleep (or was it unconsiousness) between contractions as I lay in the warm bathtub.

I remember that when it was time to get out of the bathtub to get ready for delivery I thougt I was going to die!

I remember having to wear an oxygen mask because your heart rate started dropping.  That is a really weird sensation (not to mention uncomfortable) when you are trying to give birth.

I remember pushing so hard that I actually threw up.

I remember the most incredible moment….when you were finally placed on my stomach.  There are no words for that moment.

I remember the look in your eyes as you tried to take in this new world.

I remember when your Grandma got to the hospital, remarkably only a couple of hours after your birth.

I remember how she looked when she held her first grandchild for the first time.  She didn’t know you were a girl until that moment.

I remember the crack in her voice after I asked her if it would be okay to name you after her.

I remember those first quiet months of being at home with you all small and sweet and sleepy.

A few weekends ago I sat next to a man with a 3 month old on his lap.  She was fighting sleep and I watched as her eyelids got heavier and heavier….it took me straight back to those days.  Oh yes, I remember.

They always say it goes so fast.  It does.  It is unbelievable that you are 12 years old today.  Was that day really more than a decade ago?

You are everything I prayed for.  Everything I hoped you would be and more.  You are a beautiful girl, Daughter.  I am so proud of you…how you conduct yourself, what your goals are, how you care about the people in your life.

I love you more than I could ever accurately express with a written word.  Have the happiest Birthday ever!

-The Mom

mary

 

Swirling, Whirling, Knitting

Filed under: ponderings,silliness — meandmom @ 6:41 am
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There have been many deep thoughts whirling and swirling through my little pea brain lately.

Thoughts about life and love and motherhood.  Thoughts about my journey….where I started….where I went…..where I’m going.

I am going to try to get all those thoughts all gathered up nice and pretty and write them down.  Right at this moment they are a little overwhelming.

So, in the meantime, I am so proud of The Daughter.  She has taken after my mother’s talent for knitting.  She just finished her third scarf and is hoping that she will be receiving yarn for her birthday…..which by the way is tomorrow!

Be sure to pop back by and wish her a great day.

Below is a picture of The Dog (Kona) modeling one of the latest scarf creations.  Why do people always ask if she is a Chocolate Lab when we are out with her?  Isn’t it clear she is a German Sheppard?  Maybe that little bit of Chihuahua is throwing people off…..IDK….more deep thoughts to ponder.

-The Mom

imgp2264

 

Jenny’s Make Me Laugh Monday January 20, 2009

Filed under: family,silliness — meandmom @ 12:43 am
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My friend Jenny on the Spot always has something funny to say, me….not so much.  Trying to come up with something silly on a Monday is no easy thing for me.  This weekend though, my girls and I were poking around YouTube looking at our favorite videos.  This one always gets a good laugh at my house…..even tho’ we’ve seen it hundreds of times.  If you’ve already seen it and you still don’t laugh…you might be a little bit dead inside.

Enjoy!…..Take it away Charlie……The Mom

 

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart October 28, 2008

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 5:05 pm
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I sat there in the Middle School Media Room trying not to let a tear actually roll down my face.  It wasn’t easy.  The Daughter was standing up there with many girls that I have known since kindergarten.  Some of them we’ve known since preschool.  They were singing in their first choral performance of the year.  They were amazing!  They were composed and BE.AUT.TI.FUL.  They sang with joy and maturity and it was truly an enjoyable performance.  Big kudos should go out to the Choir Director who has done an amazing job with the 6 weeks they’ve been in school.  I’m serious!  These kids ROCKED! 

I remember many years ago at the wedding of one of my cousins, my mother said to me that she realized that when someone gets married or has a baby we often cry.  Her realization was that those tears came from our hearts breaking…..breaking apart so that they could become bigger to accomodate a new family member, a new life. 

When I watch my Daughter my heart often breaks.  It breaks because it has to get bigger.  It has to get bigger to accommodate my love and my pride for who she is.

You amaze me, my Dear One.  To see you take on this year and shine the way you are.  Academically, emotionally….you are more than impressive.  You are my pride.  You like to tease me for being so teary.  Now you know….it’s just me making more room.

-The Mom