I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

Today, Dedicated to the one I Love….. February 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:50 pm
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I remember that night 12 years ago…….

I didn’t think my stomach pains were really contractions…of course I was in denial about much of my pregnancy.

I remember calling Grandma who lived in Germany at the time.  They called her out of class to come to the phone….you know that she had told the office staff that her first grandchild was due any day, so they were waiting.  There were no cell phones then.

I remember the sound of her voice when I told her I was going to head the hospital.  She had kept her bag packed in her car, ready and waiting for my call.

I remember it was cold and rainy at 11:00 at night on February 11th.

I remember they didn’t want to let me stay at the hospital because they felt I wasn’t close enough to delivery.  By this time, the contractions were regular and strong.  No denial anymore!

I remember saying to your dad “I don’t care if we just wait in the lobby, I’m not going home”.  I knew we were closer to delivery and that I would just turn around and come right back if we even got home.  I was right.

I remember that I would fall into sleep (or was it unconsiousness) between contractions as I lay in the warm bathtub.

I remember that when it was time to get out of the bathtub to get ready for delivery I thougt I was going to die!

I remember having to wear an oxygen mask because your heart rate started dropping.  That is a really weird sensation (not to mention uncomfortable) when you are trying to give birth.

I remember pushing so hard that I actually threw up.

I remember the most incredible moment….when you were finally placed on my stomach.  There are no words for that moment.

I remember the look in your eyes as you tried to take in this new world.

I remember when your Grandma got to the hospital, remarkably only a couple of hours after your birth.

I remember how she looked when she held her first grandchild for the first time.  She didn’t know you were a girl until that moment.

I remember the crack in her voice after I asked her if it would be okay to name you after her.

I remember those first quiet months of being at home with you all small and sweet and sleepy.

A few weekends ago I sat next to a man with a 3 month old on his lap.  She was fighting sleep and I watched as her eyelids got heavier and heavier….it took me straight back to those days.  Oh yes, I remember.

They always say it goes so fast.  It does.  It is unbelievable that you are 12 years old today.  Was that day really more than a decade ago?

You are everything I prayed for.  Everything I hoped you would be and more.  You are a beautiful girl, Daughter.  I am so proud of you…how you conduct yourself, what your goals are, how you care about the people in your life.

I love you more than I could ever accurately express with a written word.  Have the happiest Birthday ever!

-The Mom

mary

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The End of the Day November 7, 2008

Filed under: family,love,ponderings,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 4:07 am
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I haven’t had much time for reflection today.  I did appreciate all the imagery left by others in the Soul Coaching group.  I wandered through a newly de-cluttered studio and sat on an outdoor bench sipping tea and letting the balmy wind play with my hair.  I also stood by a fire and enjoyed the warmth of the burning, discarded papers.  Thank you, my friends, for those images that gave me fresh and invigorating energy and gave me the resources to get through my day.

I did go to my daughter’s 2nd choral performance tonight that was in combination with all the middle schools in the district, the high school, and one of the elementary schools.  It was such a joy to watch and listen to that big group of youthful voices.  They were led by another great director….we are so fortunate in our district!  I have never before seen highschoolers and middle schoolers have so much fun with choir.  These kids were truly joyful in what they were doing.  I was filled to the brim with fresh invigorating energy.  Music moves me so deeply and I love to sing.  It restores my soul and lets the down energy out and the up energy in.  It declutters those emotions that I can’t put a name or reason to.

I don’t often post pictures of my family due to the fact that I have young kids, but in celebration of my birthday, here we are minus The Artist who is at school on the other side of the state…..we missed you and your beautiful smile! The Diva, The Daughter, The Boyfriend, Me, The Littlest.

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-The Mom

 

Fabulous and Forty! November 5, 2008

That’s right!  I’ve chosen to be fabulous today as I officially turn 40.  What a day to start a new decade!  The first minority individual was just elected to be our next president.  What a fabulous moment to witness!  Regardless of one’s political persuasion, I hope we can all appreciate and celebrate that the glass ceiling was broken!  He spoke of hope and challenge and opportunity.  Words that apply to my next decade politically, professionally, emotionally, and spiritually.

On my Soul Coaching journey today I am to affirm the phrase: I love and accept who I am and who I am is enough.  I can’t think of better words for today.  It is hard sometimes to embrace these “milestone” birthdays.  I certainly have many reasons to feel like I’m not where I should be this year.  If you had asked me about it last week, those reasons were surrounding me with loud voices.  However, I ended the month at work with my most successful numbers yet.  I overcame a family and emotional challenge this past weekend with triumph and the love and support of my children.  I see that my life is full of friends and family that love me and cheer for me.  I realize that I am right where I need to be.  I am exactly where my life meant for me to be.  And you know what?  I am really fabulous! 

So, where am I?  I am standing on the threshold of an exciting tomorrow.  A place where I can see professional success, emotional freedom, spiritual growth, and physical health and beauty.  I see that regardless of gray skies and storm clouds, there is warmth and sunlight.  I can see that my path is well lit by a God who loves me.  He loves me for who I am right now.  He loves me for who I will be.  If I can focus on how I feel today, if I can always try to meditate on the empowerment of this moment, then I know without doubt that I will be ok.  I will be more than ok.  I will be fabulous.

Happy Birthday Me!

-The Mom

 

Eight is Enough October 30, 2008

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 4:49 pm
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My Littlest One turned my world around 8 years ago today. She didn’t want to come out, despite the fact that I was 50% effaced for 3 weeks and 3cm dilated. Every week the midwife would say she’s coming early I’ll see you in the hospital this week! Every week I’d see her back in her office, waddling my way down the hall, thinking that she would drop out any second because she was so low. But she didn’t come and she didn’t come until finally we decided to force her out in my 42nd week of pregnancy. Then she flew out like a canon!

Last year her 1st grade teacher asked for some early memories from the baby years. I didn’t have any to give! How incredibly sad is that??!! I enlisted my sister to search her memory banks. She didn’t have any memories of funny baby things either. I then remembered how Littlest took her time coming out of her shell. The Daughter really took up a lot of room on the stage and, being 4 years older, was very hard to compete with when language and gross motor skills haven’t formed much yet.

To this day Littlest often can be found stage left or stage right, allowing others to lead the show. Get that kid alone though and be prepared to laugh! Also be prepared to be surprised at her introspection and compassion for others. Her teachers call her a true friend to others. One even told me she was the Class Counselor. She has an imagination that is truly out of this world and is content with very simple things.

This year I asked her what she wanted for her birthday because people would be wanting suggestions. She could only come up with one answer….a Webkins. Then she looked at me and said “Mom, let’s not have presents. Let’s ask for donations instead and I’ll give them to people poorer than us”. She collected $50 for First Book….a literacy organization that provides books to families that aren’t able to buy them for themselves. Reading is Littlest’s all time favorite things. How incredibly wise of her to realize that we really do have everything we need and that more wouldn’t make her birthday any better than just the joy of turning 8.

My favorite thing about Littlest from the past year however, comes from a moment I didn’t even witness first-hand. She was visiting my sister in California and during a conversation while walking on the beach my sister asked her what her life motto is. Life Motto???? Are you kidding me???? I couldn’t even begin to articulate what my life motto would be! My then 7 year old, without skipping a beat, replied “Be Brave and Take Risks”. I guess my life motto should be…Listen to Your Kids!

Her favorite thing about the year? Finally pulling the booster seat out of the car! In our state 8 years or 80 pounds buys you a ticket to riding in the car like a Big Kid. We had a ceremony this morning including my rendition of the Bugle playing “Day is Done”.

Happy Birthday Littlest! You are my Joy!

-The Mom