I’m OK, You’re OK

Somedays that’s all we need to know

Hello Again! Make Me Laugh Monday! April 20, 2009

Have you been wondering what happened to me???

I had a spring break visitor and then I went out of town for a few days and then I took a media break.

I will tell you more about all that later, but today is Make Me Laugh Monday at Jenny on the Spot.

This YouTube video (Thanks Heather) made me smile until I was laughing and full of joy. It comes from Belgium and I wish I had been there to jump in!

Happy Monday! Now run along to see who else shared a funny at Jenny On the Spot!

-The Mom

 

From There to Here March 18, 2009

Filed under: love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:05 pm
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Four years ago today I met a man that would change my life.

It was the first date I had been on in 18 years. That makes me sound old….I’m not really that old.

I was scared. I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect.

He was sweet. And quiet. And interesting. He made me laugh.

There was an instant connection. An instant feeling of security. An instant comfort.

I didn’t go looking for my next “forever” man that night. But I found him anyway. I would never have expected it….honestly, I didn’t even want that.

What do you do when you find the love you’re meant to have even when you aren’t ready for it?

The last 4 years have been full of adventures. The good kind and the bad. We still love each other. Even when he makes me angry, I still want to be with him. Even though I drive him crazy, he can’t bring himself to go.

Now we are trying to figure out what happens next and how to go about the doing of the next. Blending families is a tricky thing and calls for slow, steady movements.

I’m still scared. I’m still nervous. I’m still in love.

Funny how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

-The Mom

 

I’m Not Ready Yet! March 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings,ZombieMom — meandmom @ 5:32 pm
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The Daughter is 12.  She has been 12 for 1 whole month.  That’s it.  One. Month.  And already everything is different.  Ever.y.thing!

Apparently, I was the only mom in the entire school district who didn’t let their 6th grader wear makeup.  And I was.  All of my friends have buckled to this campaign of breaking down the last bit of tween innocence.  I was holding down the no makeup zone all by myself.  So, I did what every proud role model does.  I caved.  I gave up.  I gave in.  I bought The Daughter makeup for her 12th birthday.  She doesn’t need it.  She’s the kind of gorgeous that you can’t even hate.  She looks like she came straight from Cleopatra via Kim Kardashian.  But sweeter.  And more innocent.  It makes me a little sad everytime she wears it.  Which, of course, is everyday.  But it makes her feel good.  She belongs again.

This has been the year of belonging.  Requirements:  Uggs, a Juicy Couture hoody, a cell phone, make up, 7 jeans.  Thank God for grandparents and Nordstrom Rack!  The Daughter now has one of each.  Not so much that she’s spoiled….oh no, she is a long way off from being spoiled.  Just enough so that she feels like she belongs.

I hate this part of growing up.  This belonging part.  But I remember wanting the same thing.  I remember that my mom, the ultimate rebel, didn’t want to make it a priority and it hurt my feelings.  So we save our money.  We go in halvsies.  We put things on our Christmas and Birthday lists.  We belong.

Only now there is a new requirment.  Facebook.  Once again, all my friends are starting to surrender.  One by one.  I worry about the ability for kids to hurt each other on FB.  I worry about how much faster and easier bad rumors spread.  I worry about how fragile reputations can easily be tarnished.  I worry about the in group/out group mentality of teens that was hard enough to deal with before the likes of texting and Facebook accounts.

So, what’s a mom to do?  This mom tossed and turned all last night.  Until finally I got out of my bed and went to hers.  She slept with me every single night for the first 3 years of her life.  It was the only way she would sleep.  I haven’t slept in the same bed as her since.    I curled up next to her and wept.  I’m not ready.  I’m not ready for her to be her own woman.  I’m not ready for her to encounter heart break and peer pressure.  I’m not ready to let her fight the battles that only she can fight.  Here’s my big problem though…..She is.  She is VERY ready.

So.  Again.  I ask.   What is a mom to do?  Anybody have any answers?  When did you or will you let your kids get a FB account?  How do you discern, as a parent, where the line is drawn between OK kind of belonging (clothes, curfew) and NOT OK kind of belonging (drinking, sex)?

Help a mom out……Hey! Is that a wrinkle hiding there behind the gray hair??

-The Mom

 

He’s Just Not That Into You February 17, 2009

Filed under: family,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 9:00 pm
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I loved having an extra day tagged onto the weekend for President’s Day…Thanks Abe and George!  The S.O. and I decided to go to the movies with the Drama Queen.  Guess what we saw?  I was totally expecting a fun chick flick.  Oh, and by the way, can I just say the chemistry between Jen and Ben….not so much.  What I did not expect was how emotional I would get during this movie.

I mean, you don’t go to a movie like that thinking you are going to be exposed to the feelings that you rather not think about.  The first thing that caught me off guard was how marriage was introduced between Jen and Ben.  I’m sitting in a similar place….long term relationship….not a ton of talk of the future.  It’s not that the deep commitment isn’t there, we just don’t talk about it.  Most of the time I’m ok with that…..sometimes though I really, really want that life long commitment that is announced to the world, not just understood by the two parties involved.  There are complications in my situation that heavily influence what happens next for us.  Anyway, I didn’t expect that part of the movie and it really struck a touchy chord for me.

Second was the guy that was cheating.  I don’t want to give anything away, but this part of the movie really bothered me.  My ex didn’t cheat on me with another woman but he did give his heart to something other than me.  I denied it and allowed excuses I knew better than to allow.  Watching a bit of that on screen….bigger than life….was a painful mirror to look into.

There were tons of funny parts to this show and I highly recommend it.  I just didn’t expect to loose myself in a sea of tears.  I definitely would not go see this on a date in a new relationship or in a troubled one or one where there were any questions about the future.  It was a little uncomfortable for me sitting next to S.O. as it was the subject of a recent conversation.

The hard part for me is this…..the thing I hate most about my divorce is not grieving the loss of love.  It is grieving the loss of family.  It is very hard the second time around to establish that kind of feeling.  At the end of the day, my kids have a dad that they see on a regular basis.  So, S.O. is very careful about his involvement with my girls.  It is hard for him as a man to know how to go about connecting with them in a way that feels comfortable for all of them.  Plus, he is very reserved with things like hugs and playful physicality.  We have taken their relationship very, very, very slowly.  I’m proud of us for that.  It’s just hard having the knowledge that it is always disjointed.  It is not ever quite the same feeling of parenting and family unit as existed in my marriage.  A good friend of mine that has been remarried for almost the entire life of one of her children, advised me that it will never be the same as the original family.  Ouch.

What I’m realizing is that I do really, really want to be married again.  I want that fortified commitment that comes with a ring and a ceremony.  I want to feel blessed by God and supported by family in my relationship.  I want that blessing and support to be formalized and public.  I’m worried that the complications that exist…which I can’t discuss here….will prevent marriage from happening.  Then I need to ask myself….should I expect him to marry me anyway?  Or, should I pay attention to the message of the movie?

It will be a telling year…….

-The Mom

 

Today, Dedicated to the one I Love….. February 12, 2009

Filed under: family,love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 6:50 pm
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I remember that night 12 years ago…….

I didn’t think my stomach pains were really contractions…of course I was in denial about much of my pregnancy.

I remember calling Grandma who lived in Germany at the time.  They called her out of class to come to the phone….you know that she had told the office staff that her first grandchild was due any day, so they were waiting.  There were no cell phones then.

I remember the sound of her voice when I told her I was going to head the hospital.  She had kept her bag packed in her car, ready and waiting for my call.

I remember it was cold and rainy at 11:00 at night on February 11th.

I remember they didn’t want to let me stay at the hospital because they felt I wasn’t close enough to delivery.  By this time, the contractions were regular and strong.  No denial anymore!

I remember saying to your dad “I don’t care if we just wait in the lobby, I’m not going home”.  I knew we were closer to delivery and that I would just turn around and come right back if we even got home.  I was right.

I remember that I would fall into sleep (or was it unconsiousness) between contractions as I lay in the warm bathtub.

I remember that when it was time to get out of the bathtub to get ready for delivery I thougt I was going to die!

I remember having to wear an oxygen mask because your heart rate started dropping.  That is a really weird sensation (not to mention uncomfortable) when you are trying to give birth.

I remember pushing so hard that I actually threw up.

I remember the most incredible moment….when you were finally placed on my stomach.  There are no words for that moment.

I remember the look in your eyes as you tried to take in this new world.

I remember when your Grandma got to the hospital, remarkably only a couple of hours after your birth.

I remember how she looked when she held her first grandchild for the first time.  She didn’t know you were a girl until that moment.

I remember the crack in her voice after I asked her if it would be okay to name you after her.

I remember those first quiet months of being at home with you all small and sweet and sleepy.

A few weekends ago I sat next to a man with a 3 month old on his lap.  She was fighting sleep and I watched as her eyelids got heavier and heavier….it took me straight back to those days.  Oh yes, I remember.

They always say it goes so fast.  It does.  It is unbelievable that you are 12 years old today.  Was that day really more than a decade ago?

You are everything I prayed for.  Everything I hoped you would be and more.  You are a beautiful girl, Daughter.  I am so proud of you…how you conduct yourself, what your goals are, how you care about the people in your life.

I love you more than I could ever accurately express with a written word.  Have the happiest Birthday ever!

-The Mom

mary

 

What? It’s Wednesday??!! January 29, 2009

Filed under: family,love,Uncategorized — meandmom @ 1:19 am
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I can’t believe how fast this week has gone by! This past weekend, my S.O. (Significant Other***this guy needs a better name!) whisked me away on a spontaneous last minute getaway. LOVE HIM!!!

See if you can guess where…..imgp2253

This famous island is just off the coast of the city we visited.  Where am I?

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This is a famous building in the city that I visited.  Where am I?

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This chocolate company was founded in the city I was visiting.  Where am I?

cablecar

We took this kind of transportation in the city I was visiting.  Where am I?

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This is me trying to take our picture in front of this

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famous bridge that the city I was visiting is known for.  Where am I?

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This is supposed to be SO and I standing in front of the bridge.  Do you like the beautiful bridge?  Ya…..I can’t see it either…thanks a lot Mr. I’ll Take Your Picture!

Did you figure it out yet?  I tried to get Journey’s “Lights” to play for you, but I couldn’t figure out how to do that.  But you get the drift….The City by the Bay…..

I was in San Francisco!  What a treat!  Thanks Baby!

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This was the only semi decent picture from the whole weekend 😦

What was your latest adventure?

-The Mom

 

Turn Around Bright Eyes November 10, 2008

Filed under: family,helpful tidbits!,love,ponderings — meandmom @ 7:56 am
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What a wonderful weekend…quiet, relaxing, bonding…just perfect.  I listened to the waves of Puget Sound roll against the shore and closed my eyes and lifted my face to feel the misty raindrops falling.  I was surrounded by water!  It was refreshing and cleansing and grounding.

When I got back home in my mailbox was a late birthday card from my favorite aunt.  In it she wrote “women have a very specific kind of courage that enables them to fling themselves into the open sea”.  How amazing was that on our first day of Water week?!  Her sentiment mirrored what I have been finding in my own heart lately.  Courage and Bravery and Risk and Endless Possibility. 

Today in Soul Coaching we were asked to examine the turning points of our lives and what kinds of emotions we associate with those times.  Here are a few of mine:

  • My family’s move from Illinois to California when I was 10
  • Spending a summer as an exchange student in Ecuador
  • Putting myself through college
  • Getting divorced

Each of those times, and the other turning points that I haven’t mentioned, took courage and bravery and risk.  They also involved many different emotions.  I notice a pattern however of aloneness.  Is that a word?  Not loneliness…Alone-ness.  The two seem different to me.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  Was I alone because I didn’t want to let anyone in?  Do I just thrive off independence?  I notice that I’m not super connected to my community and my community often changes.  I tend to maintain a very small group of loved ones.  This is something I will have to continue to think about.

On a positive side, my mission statement is beginning to form:

My purpose is to strive to be the best that I can be in every moment (that doesn’t mean perfect, just the best I can be right then).  To live each day with intent and do everything with purpose.  To create an environment for my daughters and myself that is stable, positive, and centered.  To always seek that feminine courage that allows me to fling myself to the open sea.  To love with an open and accepting heart.

It’s a start anyway!

-The Mom